What To Do About "Antagonists"

In my last post, I noted how the Apostle Paul warned Timothy about Alexander the metalworker, who "strongly opposed" the Apostle's message (see 2 Timothy 4:14-15). I advised against our being too quick to seize upon the Apostle's example. In other words, we should operate toward our counterparts in conflict with a bias in favor of engaging them on the path to biblical same-mindedness.

In spite of the bias, there may be times when it is best not to start down the path to biblical same-mindedness. For example, if your counterpart in conflict really is a modern-day Alexander the metalworker, the process of biblical same-mindedness probably will not work.

So what can be done then? Pastor and clinical psychologist, Kenneth Haugk, answers this question with guidelines based on six different passages of Scripture. Here they are:

1. Be aware of the offending party's behavior, note them and avoid them (Romans 16:17). Don't bury your head in the sand or minimize what the offending party is doing. And don't use a strategy of "trying to make nice" with them.

2. Educate yourself in the ways of these "antagonists" evidence, go out of their way to make insatiable demands, usually attacking the (Matthew 10:16). Haugk defines an "antagonist" as "individuals who on the basis of nonsubstantivepeson or performance of others...[through] attacks...[that] are selfish in nature, tearing down rather than building up, and are frequently directed against those in a leadership capacity."

3. Expose "antagonists" for what they really are (2 Corinthians 11:13-14). There may indeed be times when you must talk openly with others about the true character of what the antagonists are doing.

4. Implement discipline (Matthew 18:15-18).

5. Wait to forgive until repentance is evident (Matthew 18:21-22). On this and the previous guideline, Haugk explains how "antagonists" are experts at manipulating the processes of church discipline and forgiveness. When using these to deal with a modern-day Alexander the metalworker, it stands in everyone's best interest to be especially careful not to break off the biblical processes before the goal of repentance is clearly achieved.

6. Cut off the relationship and any further contact (Titus 3:10-11). Haugk writes: "...when confronted with an antagonist, face the probability that change simply will not occur. He or she is 'self-condemned,' in Paul's words. Stay away from that person as best you can - emotionally and physically.

To be continued, next week.

Application questions:
1. Haugk's definition of an "antagonist" obviously describes Alexander-the -metalworker-type behavior in the extreme. Haugk even uses the term "sociopath" as a synonym for the kind of person he has in mind. Have you ever had to deal with such a person? How else might you describe their behavior?
2. Are there any of the six guidelines that stand out to you in reference to the dealings you had with this person? Which one and why?
3. How would you advise someone who is contending with an antagonist similar to the one you faced?

Note: For more information on the process of biblical same-mindedness, check out "Where Do We Go From Here: The Path To Biblically Resolving Conflict" by Randal L. Gilmore. Available here.

The guidelines referenced above can be found in "Antagonists in the Church: How to Identify and Deal with Destructive Conflict" by Kenneth C. Haugk.