A Further Word On "Antagonists"

Modern-day "antagonists" like Alexander the metalworker can still be found in churches and Christian organizations. With that said, it's important to be careful about using the A-label too quickly. In almost 30 years of pastoring, I believe I have encountered only one person who fit the definition offered by Haugk (see the post of 11/19/07). I have encountered others who exhibited some of the antagonistic traits, though usually it was due either to their involvement in some sin that had nothing to do with the conflict they were at the center of or they simply weren't very skilled (spiritually or socially) at managing conflict biblically.

Most Christians with whom I've experienced conflict are good at heart. Given the opportunity, they respond well to invitations to participate in processes of biblical same-mindedness. Realizing this, I advocate giving others the benefit of any doubt, even when they may have responded poorly or even unbiblically in the beginning. I also advocate modeling how the biblical process works prior to any interaction about the inappropriateness or sin of their behavior to that point. Of course, there is always the possibility that sinful behavior of one or both parties is the main issue needing to be resolved.

The process of negotiation is well known among secularists for changing the attitudes of conflict participants toward one another for the good. How much more the biblical process in pursuit of same-mindedness! My experience has been that when two good-hearted Christians engage in the process of biblical same-mindedness, their attitudes toward one another also change for the good. They become quick to forgive and quick to acknowledge the shortfall of their own behavior coming into the process.

Another advantage of first seeking to engage someone in the biblical process and then talking with them about their manner is how this approach reveals what it is in their heart. There once was a man in a church that I pastored who wrote an accusing and mean-spirited letter about me and the deacons. This man's perspective was inaccurate, and the way he went about communicating his perspective was ungodly. Nevertheless, the deacons and I initially decided to set aside the manner in which the man had communicated his perspective. We sought instead to engage him about the issues themselves. I remember some of our discussion about how to proceed revolved around the sentiment that the man was otherwise good-hearted. As it turned out, the man refused to talk with us at all. He proved, in other words, that he was not so good-hearted and that he actually was in need of discipline.

The example above could have gone the other way. We could have resolved the issues the man raised using the process of biblical same-mindedness. Then it would have been very appropriate to interact with the man about the ungodly method he had used to raise his perspective in the first place.

The important point here is to be slow to label people as "antagonists." They could just be fellow brothers or sisters with a difference that could be resolved with biblical same-mindedness.

Application Questions:
1. Has your attitude toward a counterpart in conflict ever been changed by the process of resolving the conflict with him or her? Describe what happened and the specific range of your feelings toward the counterpart.
2. How does a judgmental attitude toward a counterpart affect one's attitude toward his or her ideas and perspectives?
3. How does Matthew 5:25-26 apply to the practice of not being quick to label someone an "antagonist?"